


We Wish You a Merry Christmas

by tbmd1066



Series: Hot Potato Prompts [8]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Christmas, Drugs, We don't know the cards made us do it we're sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-07 00:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1878861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbmd1066/pseuds/tbmd1066
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donna and the 11th Doctor stand in for Santa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Wish You a Merry Christmas

"Alright this is bad, this is very very bad."

"Doctor!" Donna shouted, "You've killed Santa!"

"Well," the Doctor said, shaking his screwdriver at her. "It wasn't really Santa, it was an alien from Guatalaga, who was planning to give urm, well, never mind, to naughty children."

"What was he planning to give them?" Donna asked.

The Doctor stared at her awkwardly and shook his hands. "Well, it may have been figgy pudding, or it may have been chunks of dead prostitutes, but really, now we've stopped him, we'll never know."

Donna stared at the Doctor in horror. "But who's going to give the presents to the kids now?" she hissed. "You've flippin' gone and killed Father Christmas."

"Ah, right, well." the Doctor fumbled, staring at the alien in disguise, like a reversed Scooby-Doo episode, "We'll have to do it."

"You mean you want to fly all over the world and do it instead?!"

"Well…yes! You see the other day I was out and about while you were taking a nap and I arrived at this small farm someplace.  I thought to myself, yes! Great, a farm!  Anyway, they had this little horse…Funny thing, its legs looked as though they could not support the body.  It reminded me of this awfully spoiled little boy that I had met in Bristol several years ago…He never got coal for Christmas but he sure deserved it! So then I -"

"DOCTOR!" Donna interrupted harshly.  "What are you going on about now? I still haven't got past the whole dropping of chunks of dead prostitute idea! What do you mean by that?The doctor laughed as he pulled out a santa hat from a box under the TARDIS console.  "I'm getting to all of that! Get ready for our first stop!" He danced happily around the TARDIS and began to pull levers and press buttons as he place the hat on his head.  "Before we can actually give the bad children chunks of dead prostitute, we have to FIND some chunks of dead prostitute! And I know exactly where we can find a surplus of that!"

"Where in the hell do you plan to find that?!" Donna shouted.

"Don Cherry's wardrobe!" the Doctor shouted, flailing his arms, as he jerked levers and pin-ball contraptions to and fro with no semblance of order. 

As they materialised in Don Cherry's bedroom, Don Cherry himself was stripped down to his pants, dicing a prostitute, who was lying on an ironing board.

"Hallo!" the Doctor shouted, bursting out of the TARDIS.

Don shrieked. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!" he screamed, trying to sort of hide the dead woman behind himself. 

"We need some of that." the Doctor said cheerily, scooping up the bucket from under the ironing board and whisking it into the TARDIS.

"Don Cherry's a serial killer?" Donna said in surprise.

"Yup! Won't be found out until 2016, though

Let's go save Christmas!" the Doctor set the bucket on the console and Donna ran into the back room, suddenly remembering the most important Christmas gift of all! The Doctor was so enamoured by the contents of the bucket that he hardly noticed.  

In the back room, Donna was fishing out her stash.  She had over 200 grams of pure crystal meth.  She slipped it into her pocket and happily skipped out into the console room.  

Together, Donna and the Doctor travelled all around and delivered all of the chunks to all of the bad children.  Actually, they ran out after only a few houses.  And Donna was fairly certain that she heard some police sirens, so she urged the doctor to flee.  

Now safely drifting through outer space, the doctor slumped down sadly.  "I thought…this would be a lot more fun.  I thought it was going to end better than this…." His voice trailed off. Donna pulled out her stash and waved it in the doctor face.

"Hey, don't worry.  We can still have fun!" She said excitedly as she opened the bag.  And they truly did.

THE END

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Instead of coal, Santa now delivers "Chunks of dead prostitute" to bad children.   
> Cards for this atrocity:  
> Figgy pudding  
> A little horse  
> Don Cherry's wardrobe (thanks Canadian expansion pack)  
> Crystal meth


End file.
